and next time when you feel me up, do it right
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
