Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
