Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
