I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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