thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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