i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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