trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
