Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
