I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
