$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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