I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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