bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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