We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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