mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
