kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
