i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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