Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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