And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
