I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
