the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
"it" just moved
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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