I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
