morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
