am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
