Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
