I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
