Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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