Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
