Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
