Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I look better un-naked...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
