The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
