Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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