We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
