I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
