just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
