Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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