last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
