OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Randomize
