Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
