hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
