He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
