it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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