she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
