Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
