I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
