Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
