i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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