He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
