my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
