I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
