so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
